Yesterday I was probably the happiest girl on earth. The smile could not leave my face and I was in a fantastic mood. I spent all day writing, which seems to be only thing that’s holding me together these days.
Today was the same. Up to this moment, of course. Because now I feel like, hmm, how can I say this more gentle, shit. I guess I’m not that funny, because the only person I thought knew me, couldn’t even understand a simple joke I made. And he began a fight with me. Of course, if you ask him, he’d say it was not a fight, but a conversation. And that only people, who are wrong and don’t want to admit it, call it a fight. I guess I’m the wrong girl on the wrong side of the street.
Lying in my bed, in the dark, thinking, I came to realize that joy is abstract and overrated. There’s no such thing as ultimate happiness. There are just moments of hope that last longer than those of despair.
And that’s just sad.
M. Stefanova, 7 January 2013