The funny guy
He is always telling jokes and laughing around, making everyone comfortable. He isn’t good looking and he hasn’t a big future ahead of him (unless he becomes a comedian, but still), yet he knows all the right things to say – meaning jokes. He makes you laugh, so you slept with him a couple of times, until his jokes become old and he himself – old news.
The talented guy
Beware, it’s a trap. This guy is actually very attractive AND talented. He makes music, writes novels or paints, but either way he is a genius. Did I mention his beautiful eyes and fine ass? He is probably the best sex you’ve ever had. But his art will always be put before you, so you moved on.
The screwed up guy
He’s the typical bad boy. He is above everything and everyone. He wears black, because that’s the colour of his soul. He has no friends and seems lost. You thought you could be the one to find him. You were wrong. Sex was good, though.
The ‘I know everybody and everybody knows me’ guy
The party guy. But unlike the funny guy, this one here actually does shit, not only tells jokes about it. Every night – different club, different girl. But when he met you, you were convinced he wanted something more. And he wanted it from you. Of course, he didn’t. And you stopped going to clubs on a ‘school’ night.
The ‘I love puppies and babies’ guy
He is sweet and charming and just happens to love puppies and babies and little cute things. He is emotional and always tells you how he feels about you, holds your hand and cries with you to The Notebook. Isn’t that what you wanted? No? Fuck you then. But he will never say such an ugly word!
If you’ve slept with these five guys, then you’re a slut. And you’re probably still looking for the perfect one. Guess what? He doesn’t exist. Might as well choose one from the above and stick with him.
M. Stefanova, 21 January 2013