Mid-mid-life crisis

tumblr_mi1zp1LZGc1s3iqleo1_500With people around me making plans for the future and travelling around, I found myself quite talentless and got depressed.

The thing is that I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I know, it sounds cliché and so stupid, considering the fact that I’m barely 20. I want to do something that matters, something that makes me happy, something outside of University. And I don’t know what would that be. I guess I’m having mid.. quarter, mid-mid-life crisis. Okay, apparently, comedy would not be my thing.

Then what would? I don’t have any talents that would make me stand out. Some would say that writing is my thing, but writing is what I want to do for a living, what I’ve always dreamt of, what I’m studying. It’s not a hobby. Then what would my hobby be?

I used to have so many extracurriculars – I was in a dance formation, in the Red Cross, in Eco club, I did sports. Then I started having sex and BOOM, it was all gone. It’s like being a virgin gave me the power to be and do a lot. While sex brings me an immense pleasure, it takes a lot of time, energy and kills slowly my imagination. Nothing’s better for a writer than sexual frustration. Not even broken heart can beat that.

Then I saw that my university is trying to attract girls for a rugby team. I’ve never played rugby. It’s not that I’m not into sports, but I’m not exactly a team person. Yes, I’ve played basketball for two years, but rugby? I’m barely 5’4. I’m not strong. And if it wasn’t for that one video on youtube, I wouldn’t even know the rules (even though I’m still quite confused).

I may try it. Why not? That would be the change I so desperately want. Or not.

I will try it. At least today it sounds like a good idea. Ask me again tomorrow.


M. Stefanova, 2013


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