13 reasons why going clubbing with women in their 30s is not fun when you’re 20

tumblr_mbwj8wiJ6N1rw2l3do1_500I’ve been going out with my roommates every week and finally convinced them to go to a club where people don’t smell bad and are actually under 50. And so we did. And for the first time I experienced the joy of being in the company of women who crave male attention more than they do fresh air, but run for their lives when someone shows interest. I present you the top 13 things they did last night that I couldn’t quite get.

1. They have kids or are planning on having them, like next month. And
the only thing you love about kids is that you don’t have any.

2. They are looking for a husband in a club, full of teenagers. Yeah,
good luck with that.

3. At approximately 1 am they want to go to bed, because they are too tired.

4. When someone from the opposite sex approach them, they shoo him off
because he doesn’t look like Brad Pitt. The guy just wanted a
lighter, you pricks.

5. They dance without moving, or sit quetly and look bored.

6. When they give someone their number, they immediately want to start
serious relationship with that person.

7. They get panicked when they order a drink, afraid the bartender
will put drugs in it. Bitch, drugs are expensive.

8. They look at you with disapproval when you dance, talk to, or kiss someone.

9. They spend most of the time posing for photos and worrying how
their hair looks.

10. They dress like they are going to a ball hosted by the Queen, and
then wine about how much their feet hurt or how tight that dress is.

11. They always bring a jacket, un umbrella, needles, iron board and
all sorts of club-useless stuff with them and then ask you to put them
in your bag.

12. They spend enormous amount of time discussing what they think
people say about them, even though no one is paying attention to them.

13. They need to be drunk to have fun, otherwise the music is not good
enough, the club is too hot, the people are too dull.

M. Stefanova, 2013


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