56 hilarious quotes said by Chandler from Friends

Rj0g74I1. Dehydrated noodles and fluorescent lights; does it get any better than this?

2. If I want to get a Brian, I can get a Brian.

3. Oh wait, I have no one!

4. How are we gonna get there? My mum doesn’t allow me to cross the street.

5. Can a magician open my beer with butt cheeks?

6. There are thousands of women out just ready to screw me over.

7. There’s Phoebe on my sandwich!

8. From now on I’m gonna be funny sometimes and not funny others!

9. I mean, if I die, the only way people will know I was here is by the ass print on this chair.

10. I could leave an ass print on Everest!

11. And I just want a million dollars!

12. If you see a little version of me in there, kill it!

13. You’re upset because you didn’t make your best friend cry?k

14. See! That’s why only the fake little man are supposed to do the kicking!

15. Offering people gum is not cooking.

16. I think you’re sick, because that used to be in your nose.

17. Yes, it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer.

18. I may not have money, but I still have my pride.

19. I think having a heart attack is nature’s way of telling you to die.

20. I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.

21. It’s funny, because in high school I failed biology, and tonight biology failed me.

22. That is the beauty of this game – it makes you want to kill yourself.

23. What are you doing here, you weird turtle man?

24. I didn’t get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly!

25. My favourite part was when Superman flew all the Jews from Egypt.

26. I used to undress my cousin Glenn.

27. It works in my advantage that speed impresses you.

28. I’m happy. I no longer feel the need to go out of my way to stop
people from being happy.

29. What’s wrong with me? Ooh, don’t open that door.

30. Are my ears bleeding?

31. Bravo Denis, thanks for pleasing my mother.

32. Funny haha or funny dnsobsog?

33. Why do they call it a cheque? Why not Yugoslavia?

34. That’s the magic story you use when you want to have sex.

35. I’m not good with advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Cheese?

36. What do you know, you’re a door. You just like knock-knock jokes.

37. You got a man who is a nanny? You got a manny?

38. So those were pity laughs?

39. There once were a man named Chandler whose wife made him die inside.

40. I can grow a moustache.

41. I’m also a great moron!

42. By the way, that fight was totally arousing.

43. That’s a lot of cats. Single, are you?

44. You’re not crazy. How else would they give you all these cats?

45. It’s funny. I’ve been practicing the art of seduction myself.

46. That’s right! Your husband is here! Now the sex can stop!

47. You know, ‘That’s fine’ sound true when someone yells it and spits.

48. Funny is all I have.

49. I’m happy. I no longer feel the need to go out of my way to stop people from being happy.

50. One ridiculer problem at a time, please!

51. As a man I was trained not to listen.

52. He’s spermtastic!

53. Wait, if we’re lucky and really, really, really quiet, we could hear the sound of a condom breaking.

54. The floating heads do make a point.

55. Why would I kiss a girl and put her on your bed?

56. What did I marry into?

 

 

M. Stefanova, 2014.

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